Sorry, Wrong Room 4

Hey guys,, I thought I published the first part of this in August :s i dont know why it didnt post. Nyways now i just combined it with the part i wrote now so it's extra long to make up for the absence. My computer died a long slow death. its still in the shop waiting for a new screen but its ok cos i'm working from my pc now. And i have my passwords memorized :D

dedicated to sunset :*

********************************************

My thoughts revolve around one thing only. Him. And they go around in redundant circles, spinning my heart into an agonized frenzy. And i'm forcing myself to do anything to keep me preoccupied, just to keep my sanity.

I feel like running for my life, running away from all the harrowing torturous thoughts and into the arms of someone, anyone, who is willing to catch me before this falling through a bottomless crevice drives me insane. I stay in bed all day, chasing after sleep, because it hurts too much to be awake. When I'm dreaming I have him, and I can't bear to be wrenched from the safety of his embrace every time my eyelids flutter open. I don't know how long it will take before I stop caring... Time trickles by much too slow. I want to blink all the suffering away. I don't want to love or hate, I want to feel indifference. That is when all ties will truly be severed. That is when I really would have pushed him out of my heart, when it really is over, when he is really dead to me.


December 20th 2008

"Happy one year anniversary Dana"
"I dnt get why you count it from the day we met... I mean, we didn't actually get into a relationship till months later"
"It's cos I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you"
"Oh come on, that's SO cheesy"
I playfully hit him on the shoulder... But even though its really cheesy it still makes my heart melt. Darn my stupid sentimentality, I'm so emotional.
"No, really I swear. I mean it. I was half asleep I totally didn't believe you were real... You brought a whole new twist to the word dream girl. When I saw you in Kai was when I actually believed you existed and the morning was not just a weird dream of a cute girl I'd never met before"
"And that proves you loved me how?"
"I was smitten. A girl in an oversized t-shirt and bedroom uggs with long black hair and eyes you can drown in. A girl with an attitude and a blush that melts my heart. Do you know how rare that is?"
OMG.. How many times in a day is this guy gona make me blush? I mean come on. It's been a WHOLE YEAR, this is crazy. Worst part is: it seems like he's been noticing the blush, and here I am thinking ok at least I can blush 3la ra7tee.
"Fidait ili she's blushing ana" and he leans over and kisses me on the cheek.
"5aled!!!!" this time I push him away with all my strength. I have limits, he knows that. No physical contact.
"I know, I know.. No phyisical contact I'm sorry. 7abeebti I just had to, you just tempt me so much with those cheeks. One day I'm gona bite them."
Here we go... crimson red apples on a summer day. I'll i can do is smile behind my curtain of hair.
"7mar"
"Ooh she's feisty"
I hit him again.
"Danti you're starting to worry me with all this hitting. Should I be worried about your, ummmm, tastes?"
Omg lah waih he teases me in this way? Is he insinuating that I'm into S&M? He's going down.
"I'm leaving." Just as I get up he pulls me back down.
"Oh no you're not. We still have dessert."
Do you know hw hard it is to fight a guy who works out obsessively? Yeah, very hard.

***

That night he called my brother to announce "his intentions". Even though it was during the time he would dissapear for weeks on end. He still loved me I guess, especially since he told A7mad ina nawee ytzawjnee.

And then came the trip to london.

January 10th 2009

"Mai! He hasn't called me in 4 days"
"Babe 3adii, I dont aswer J's calls for weeks at a time but I still love him"
"3ad into ghair. You guys are so weird. Weirder even than Chuck and Blair"
"Hey! I love Chuck and Blair, 7adich"
"I love them too, that doesnt make them normal"
"Ugh fine... Bas J and i are"
"U and jassim have been in love with eachother for 5 years, are alredy engaged, have been dating for 2 years and yet you barely speak to eacthother. When you do the phonecall is 3 days long."
"Shda3wa Dana 3 days, max is 14 hours"
"How is that even possible Mai??"
"Madree... ur right we are weird. Ok but thats not the point, now we're talking about you and 5aled"

5aled calling

"Shhh it's him!"

I answer.
"Aloo?"
"Hala danti sha5barich?"
"B5air 7amdilla, wint?"
"7amdilla damich b5air... uhh... 7abeebty abee akalmich bmawthoo3, fathya?"
"Ya babe go ahead"
"I'm going to London tomorrow"
"Weren't you just in London a couple of days ago?"
"Ee bas I have an appointment there i cant miss"
"Appointment for what exactly?"
"Bs shighl"
"Aha... Laish magiltlee min gabil?"
"Walla 7abeebty it's been last minute"
"Ok... troo7 wtrid blsalama inshalla"
Seriously? Last minute trip to London. Yeah like thats believable. He just came from London 2 days ago, he's been there since December 21st.. he specifically ajilied his stuff to go after our anniversary. What's he hiding? And what shighl exactly? He took a holiday, and a9lan he's never had to go out of the country before, kila y6arish his brothers. This is so weird, and I'm pretty sure he would've at least known a few days in advance if it was for work.
"Aloooo, Danti?"
"Sorry sira7t"
"shfeech?"
"mafeeni shay"
"ok 7abeebty, adree inich mtthayga, i think i know you by now y3ne. Bs i'm so tired, so sam7eenee basakir, i love you o i'll check on you after lying down for a bit"

Yeah.. youre always tired. Ufff. What's up with you 5aled? When you know I'm mtthayga you stay on the phone for hours to cheer me up, and when its been more than a day since you talked to me you spend an hour begging me for forgiveness. What's going on? of course i didnt say all this.

"Ok honey. take care"
*dial tone*

"Mai he shut, he didnt even say bye back. I mean i said tc, shdnt he be like ya ok galbii you too?"
"What did he say?"
"He's going to London bkra. And now he's apparently tired"
"Whatever its probably nothing, dont stress it. And men arent mind readers you know, he probably doesnt know inti shayla fe 5a6rich 3laih"
"Its 5aled, he always knows"

***

And it all went downhill from there.

SOOOOO SORRY

Guys u'll never believe what happened... I travelled and (because im SO responsible and organized) in my last minute packing i forgot my laptop and camera at home. So there I am, a thousand miles away from my blog. And since ana wayed thakiya mb 7aftha la my email la my password I couldnt access anything.
Good news: i had the BEST summer ever and have come to u with TONS of inspiration,, so Im really sorry u guys bs if ur willing to forgive me im willing to pick up right where i left off.
I love you all.

Sorry, Wrong Room 3

I'm soooo sorry guys I've been off the radar. I wanted to write bas seriously school gave me brain drain. IB is so tough it's killin me. Well, good news is its the summer now so inshalla I'll be posting really often. Hope ur still gna read my story (a). Enjoy

***************************************************************

It hurts so much remembering, but I’m addicted to thinking about him, addicted to re-living the moments when I was happy, when we were together. It’s been 3 months since he ended it and I still burst into tears.

Calling Mai
“You know I never got closure”
“Dana it’s been 3 months! You get over your exes in 3 days”
“I was never in love with any of them... But Khalid stole my heart from me and he didn’t even bother keeping it safe, he just threw it away after a year and a half”
"D you don't need another person to make you happy, you're amazing, smart fun and gorgeous... if he doesn't appreciate that then he doesn't deserve you"
"I don't care I want him anyway"
"D - "
"Mai, you know what? I don't feel like talking about it"

I feel guilty for hanging up on her like that, but I didn't want to cry on the phone with her again, she's in a happy place now and she deserves better than a best friend who constantly brings her down. I'm just going to lie here in my misery, pathetic and alone. The way he left me.

July 23rd 2007

It's been 7 months since I've last been here at Kai, and I've given the gorgeous man in front of me a lot more impressions to deal with. Thankfully he seems to like them, or at least he seems tom sitting in front of me on our anniversary with his lazy-boy sideways smile and the single dimple in his left cheek telling me he loves me.
He
loves
me....
He loves ME.
I must be the luckiest girl on the planet because Khaled's a dream. Respectable, kind, smart, funny. Way too good to be true, but here he is, reaching for my hand across the table, staring into my soul. He gets me, it's so freaky it's as if he's come dancing out of a silver screen. That's what this is, movie love. Happily ever after love. So it really is possible, who knew?
I'm not the type of girl who depends on a guy for happiness. Pssshhhht, if anything the guy should be happy he has me. I don't usually date, the whole it's wrong and all that, but also because why should I? I have fun everyday just being myself, by myself, single and sexy. I'm not arrogant, I'm confident, I'm confident in my own skin and noone can tell me to stop loving myself, not the airbrushed perfection sneering at females from the covers of Vogue, nor the latest boy toy chasing me around Harrods. I'm independent, the only love I need is from my family and friends.
And now Khalid. It's so weird... It doesnt feel like loving another person, just another part of me. Like we're meant for eachother. Omg he's leaning to whisper in my ear. Here come the butterflies everyone warned me about.
"Baby..
"Hmm?"
"How 'bout you come back down to earth for a while?"
Damn it, 7 months later and he still makes me blush crimson red, apples on a summer day, hooker red lipstick, red velvet cupcakes, A-list red carpet... you get the point.
"Okay" I mutter with a smile.

We finish dinner and get up to leave.
"So Danty, up for a long walk across London?"
"Throw ice cream into the deal and I'm in"
He starts to chuckle, his laugh makes me melt. Especially when he finds something really funny and laughs from deep down, omg shivers down my spine. It's like a thousand rainbows just paint my world multicolour. Ecstacy.
Suddenly i see a flash of pain in his eyes... He's not smiling anymore.
"7abeebti shrayich in5alee 7ag yom thanee? Wayed ta3ban"
"Babe what's wrong?" Perfect timing. I wonder what's bringing this on so suddenly.
"Wela shay, bs janee 9da3 ghair 6abee3e. Banazlich 3nd halich o barid ilbait ok? Sam7eelee 7abeebty."

Kissing me goodnight, it's bittersweet. Something's off. The movie magic is gone.

***

Pounding on my door startles me out of my reverie.
"D open the damn door!"
As soon as I unlock it in she comes in carrying two huge tubs of Haagen Dazs strawberry cheese cake and belgian chocolate ice cream and a bunch of movies: Moulin Rouge, Pearl Harbour, The Notebook, Armageddon and Breakfast at Tiffany's.
"I'm here for you babe, shutting the phone isn't gonna keep me away. I know you need me, and you don't have to be strong. Since you won't cry in front of me we'll cry together as people die, love, get lost and are found again."

Did I ever mention how much I love Mai? :P

"Mai, I just realized that since like July he kept finishing our nights really early saying he was 'tired' and for like the next year he kept doing that and dissappearing for days and then weeks at a time."
"Tawilnas love. It's probably cos he was cheating that scoundrel."
"LOL Mai who says scoundrel? Seriously I think we've been watching too many old time movies."
"Well babe since the damage is already done what's stopping us from watching more? Yalla forget him, think of Ben Afflick"
"So I guess we're starting with Armageddon then?"
"Or Pearl Harbour, I want a dose of hotties before we get into tearsville"
"Hotties here we come"

Sorry, Wrong Room 2

That day turned out to be one of the best of my life,
Looking back now though I wish it had never happened

December 20th 2007

The sun is out today, that’s a good thing considering the fact that Mai would have probably gone and dragged the Sun out from behind the clouds had he decided to take a break from shining on this languid winter morning. That girl is an unstoppable force on her birthdays.
At 6am we went up to our daily source of breakfast (oh how we flock to the circular green sign and the woman with the long white flowing hair), having gotten permission from the owners to fill it with balloons, pictures and friends. The nearest Starbucks was now converted into a party hall, and we waited for Mai to drag herself out of bed at nine and meet us here for the usual drink and sandwich combo.
The girl waltzes into the rainbow-filled cafe, and dissolves into tears of what we hope is happiness and surprise. She threw her arms around her sister and I.
“Awww you guuuuys, this is amazing, I was hating getting another year closer to a time of wrinkles and bed pans but this surprise made it all worth it. I would never expect a breakfast party, I love it.”
Boy does that girl have a flair for the dramatics.
After the mini morning surprise we visited all our favourite places, the places that were saturated with memories of the past 10 or so years of holidays.
Of course that meant the London Eye - which we visit every year - reminiscing about the time when we first got on, anticipating a roller coaster that hangs above shark-infested waters and exploding Coca-Cola.
As the days events wore on more people started leaving our party across the town. By 9 pm it was just Mai, Meera and I at Kai, ready to have dinner. Seated around spring rolls, sesame prawns, crispy duck, lettuce wraps and corn soup we laugh, gossip and argue as usual.
“How in the world did you guys plan all this? I’ve been glued to you the past few days trying to see what my surprise was”
“How’d you know we were going to surprise you?”
“Easy, I know you guys know I’d murder you if you didn’t”
We laugh and I say
“Well I’m glad you appreciate it because it got me into a pretty embarrassing moment this morning...”
“Spill! Now!”
“Does it have hot guys in it?”
“How embarrassing and when?!”
“Stop asking questions girls and I’ll tell you!”...When I got to the part about the rape Meera laughed hard. Laughed so hard in fact that the Coke in her mouth spurted across the table and spattered down the front of my white shirt.
The thing is now it seems that not just Meera and Mai are laughing to the point of tears, gales of male laughter join in too. The three of us turn and to my utter shock and embarrassment (again) we see that a couple of tables away from us sit our audience, a group of good looking guys, including the guy from this morning.
Ma. 9a. Deg!!
The M’s turn to look at me. I say “I can’t believe they’re here!”
Meera, always the slow one goes “LOL yeah they just saw me spit all over you, 3adiii yalla Danoo they’ll never see us again”
“No babe, thats HIM”
“Which one?!”
“The one in the black polo”
“He’s so hot!”
“You think?” I love Mai’s sarcasm.
“He just saw me get covered in spit-filled Coke”.
We paid the bill and got up to leave, as I passed their table he spoke
“7lwa minha”
“I hope you don’t hold people to their second impressions either”
“How about I just wait until you give me an impression you like?”
Does that mean he’s planning on more chances for impressions? Does that mean he likes me? Wait Dana, you’re over-thinking as usual, just reply before you get out of the restaraunt. Say something witty, casual, funny. Say something!!
“Sounds good” I say with a smile (at least my mouth is working properly, unlike my treacherous brain).

***

That wasn't the last I saw of him, over the next few weeks we ran into each other everywhere, finally got to know each other and became friends. By the end of the holiday we exchanged emails. All because of the day I knocked on the door of the wrong room.

Again, I wish that day never happened....

Sorry, Wrong Room

I can't seem to find the world of dreams. The Sand Man is running late, or maybe he's forgotten me. As so many minds seem to do.
Calling Mai's
"It's 2 am!!"
"Malee 5u9, magdar anam"
"Laish?"
"Ga3da afakr feeh"
"I thought you were over him already"
"I was... I am... bs madree, relapse I guess"
"You haven't thought of him in ages, what brought this on?"
"Endings. Happy endings. Why did it have to end so badly for me?"
"Reality Check : Nothing has a happy ending, not even Snow White or any of those 'fairy tales'. Take the 'evil' step mother in Snow White, did she get her happy ending? No .. she didn't, why? Simple, she dies in the movie. Ok, she was the bad person, but still it wasn't a happy ending for her, you know?"
"Are you calling me a witch?"
"No, sigh, I'm saying nothing ends happily, not even those Disney fairytales you're so sadly hooked on have a 100% happy ending"
"I know, it's just that I don't want to hear it. I don't want to believe it."

I finally drift off to sleep. I dream of his smile. His eyes. His laugh that comes from deep down when he gets really hyper. The images gain momentum, the sounds and memories build up. Suddenly my subconscious catapults me into the day we first met.

December 20th 2007

Winter holidays, the next best thing after summer. Coats, boots, scarves, beanies, Uggs, gloves. Wind, snow, rain waltzing off umbrellas, trickling down windows, nestling in puddles along the ground. Red lips, fireplaces, snuggling up with loved ones. Ski resorts and spas. Frothy, rich hot chocolate covered in gooey pink and white marshmallows and milk chocolate sprinkles. Foam that lines our upper lips with Santa-like mustaches.

I'm running down the hotel corridor. I have to wake Meera up before her sister wakes up. It's her sister's birthday and we completely forgot, mega last-minute planning to do. I, stupidly, am wearing nothing but an oversized tshirt and fuzzy boots. It's 5 am.

I'm banging on the door of room 112.
"Wake up!!! I know you can hear me! You're gonna be late! Do you want you sister to know we forgot? You know how she holds grudges and birthdays are more important to her than oxygen. Do you want to effectively ruin the rest of the winter holiday for us?"
I hear muffled murmurs and groans from the other side of the door, but no footsteps.
"I swear to God if you don't wake up right now I'll rape you!"

The door swings open and I'm face-to-face with a tall young man with messy black hair, a light coating of facial hair, brown eyes and full lips. He's wearing nothing but a thin white t-shirt -which does nothing to disguise his chiseled abdominal muscles (6-pack!) and broad shoulders- and boxers. His tanned skin emphasizes the muscles that ripple as he holds the door open.

"I'm awake, but if you still feel like raping me go ahead". He utters this cheeky sentence in a rough, sleep-smothered voice, accompanied with a mischeavous grin. He has dimples.
Oh
My
God...
I can't think of anything but "I should have never made fun of those comments on www.fmylife.com.... because this scene is custom-made for it".
Thankfully I dont say that out loud.
I say somehting worse.
"Oh. Um. I can't"
He laughs and then asks "Why not?"
My mind is frantically trying to assemble a sentence that is at least half way sane.
"I'm late"
My face, already flaming the crimson red of apples on a summer day, is practically giving off heat waves. What do I do? My words are failing me. Shda5al late? OMG I cannot believe this is happening.
"You do realize it's 5 am?"
"Thus my confused state"
"I see. So I'm to assume you're not always this confused?"
"Usually just mornings and first impressions" Damn it! Is now the time for my flaws to come out? I can't help being this truthful, 'tell the truth' is a mantra my parents have instilled in me. Forced upon me.
"It's a good thing I don't hold people to their first impressions"
"Well, sorry to have been threatening you at 5 in the morning"
"I forgive you, they were quite thrilling threats after all. Not many guys wake up to girls offering them rape"
I vow to myself that I will never use the phrase 'I will rape you' to express anger again, ever, in my life.
"Consider yourself lucky." I turn and go to look for room 121, what I now remember is my cousin's room.
"One thing before you leave."
I look at him questioningly (using this opportunity to drink in the image of this beautiful boy once more).
"9ba7 il5air"
"9ba7 ilnoor"